Managing Emotions
Have you ever noticed your body reacting when you are providing a service or when you are about to engage a colleague, manager, or client? You know what I am talking about, those moments when you are overwhelmed with information, or when you anticipate some intensity within an interaction, or even the times when you react to the suffering and pain you are listening to. You may notice your heart beating faster, sweaty palms or underarms, heaviness, tremors, and jaw clenching. If you have never experienced these, you are a superhero and have found the magic to keep your body regulated. For those of us who have not discovered this yet or have struggled with management of these symptoms, it is helpful to become aware and intervene with your body so that it can return to some sense of calm or calmer than where you are headed.
As compassionate engagers and helpers, we sit across from people who are burdened by their past, struggle with their present, and are hopeless about their future, day in and day out. I took particular notice of this within myself in various situations across my career but did not really understand it until I began my education in Polyvagal Theory and Somatic Therapy and learned how the body and brain create this dance, a clumsy dance most of the time, but a dance nonetheless. When we can develop our awareness and then insert space and technique, we can regain control and regulate our autonomic nervous system. Quite fascinating, right?
I remember the first time I noticed my body's reaction to a situation I was intervening in. I was working in a hospital ER and went into a patient's room who had been a victim of a domestic violence situation. As I listened to the story, I was overcome with nausea, and I thought for sure I was going to vomit. I became sweaty and dizzy and definitely could not think straight. I frantically, in my brain, was trying to figure out the best way that I could leave the room to get it together. I transitioned the best I could by saying, "I am going to step out of the room for a few minutes to gather some resources for you. May I bring you anything to drink or another blanket?" I left the room and went into the single bathroom and washed my face and sat for a moment, seat down of course. My heart was pounding, my breathing became shallow, and after about 5 or so minutes I was able to return to the patient's room and provide the necessary resources to help her with next steps. I could not understand what in the world was happening, and I had already been in the Social Work profession for about 13 years. This happened several other times at different hospitals and again I had to quickly devise a way to transition from the room without coming off as rude or insensitive.
Some of you may be thinking, "Liz, this is a matter of countertransference" or "You must have experienced similar situations in your life" or "You are too invested or too involved". I will admit that I have experienced countertransference, but these situations were very different. I disagree with the other statements, however, because I have put in a lot of work in developing and maintaining my boundaries over the span of my career. What I will tell you is that I have learned that part of being a compassionate and empathetic presence is that sometimes I can sense the despair and pain in those I sit across from as I know this resonates with a lot of you. I continue to learn how to be in my body and help it regulate by implementing several different exercises.
A technique I will share with you is called Hands Behind the Head. I know this isn't really a super fancy name, but you are welcome to create any term or label that suits you. I originally came across this technique as I was working on my Clinical Trauma Professional Certification with Dr. Eric Gentry, and he referenced and shared the video called Tools For Hope by Jenny Brackman, VP of Forward-Facing Institute. I encourage you to check it out.
Below is a video I created to demonstrate the way I often introduce this technique to clients and other professionals:
For more support and help with tools and strategies about regulating and managing your emotions in sessions, in meetings, or in crucial conversations, contact me for a consultation via the request an appointment form.